Saturday, March 31, 2007

Of Guilts and Fears

I have been feeling guilty about my blubber-ness. Guilt is not a very productive response. I find that it makes me hungry. Fortunately, I have discovered the REAL underlying problems. My weight isn’t really MY fault at all! The blame actually belongs (in alphabetical order) to: Asian Grill, Bahama Breeze, Bravos, Cadbury, Damons, Don Pablos, Jackson’s, Johnny Carino’s, Mmm Mmm Pizza, Olive Garden, Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, Sapporo, and the Sharp Edge Restaurant. The weight of guilt has FINALLY been shifted from my shoulders (to my gut).

Tomorrow is April Fool’s day. That’s no big deal when it happens on a weekend. However, what is a big deal is that I am going to be presenting awards to two students. This will take place in front of their families. If you haven’t been keeping up with my rapid-pace blog entries, then you don’t know how much I fear public speaking. It’s taken me about a decade to learn how to appear relaxed in front of a classroom full of students. When I see them on campus (or worse… OFF campus), I find myself feeling the way I did in junior high when I’d get tongue-tied if a pretty girl spoke to me (actually I still get this way).

I have been trying to stay awake until I can barely keep my eyes open so that when I hit the pillow, I go right to sleep before my mind can start thinking things like, “Steve… what are you going to say?” Or, “You know, you’ll be talking about these students in front of their FAMILIES… in front of their PARENTS. What will you look like if you stutter or say something IDIOTIC?” (By the way, the chances of my saying something idiotic are actually really high. KNOWING this doesn’t make it any easier to cope.) I am only allowed two minutes per student. So, knowing that I have a 2-minute limit will make me fearful of going over. THAT will make me probably try to rush through whatever I come up with. (T-minus 20 hours to come up with something.)

Last night I slept like a baby. That is, a baby with a tooth ache that’s also being bit by the jealous dog and has a toy under his back and an ear ache. Yeah. I slept like a baby. Maybe if I go find something to eat I’ll feel better.

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