Saturday, July 21, 2007

Portly Foreverglades

Summer is slipping too quickly through my fingers... So much to do, so little motivation, oh, yeah, and time... that too.

On the bright side, I am planning to go on a cruise in January!

For those who have never tasted the cruise, my advice is to not EVER go on a cruise. I haven’t looked it up yet, but I’m pretty sure that “CRUISE” is Italian (or Greek?) for “OCEAN-COCAINE”. The problem, though, is that I’ll have to fly to get to the port down in Ft. Lauderdale.

I’m really not afraid of flying, really; it’s just that I’m really just afraid of crashing, really.

What’s that? Statistically it is SAFER to fly than to drive the car? Really? Wow. Well, did you know that “statistically” it is safer to be driving (riding) in a car when the engine fails than it is to be flying when the engine fails? Also, since we’re on “statistics”, did you know that “statistically” more people die in hospitals than out of them. So, does that mean it’s “safer” to stay away from hospitals? Hmm, actually... maybe so:

Deaths in the U.S. as a result of preventable adverse medical events (i.e., doctor and nurse mistakes) EXCEED those of motor vehicle accidents AND breast cancer COMBINED? [Kohn, L. T., Corrigan, J. M., & Donaldson, M. S. (2000). To err is human: Building a safer healthcare system. Washington, DC: National Academy Press.]

Ok, that’s what you get for bringing up the “it’s safer to fly than it is to drive” crap.

Since I’m already on the subjects of death, I’ve been looking in the mirror lately and haven’t liked what I’ve been seeing. BUT, guess what I figured out?

Stop ffffffricking looking in the frickingggg mirror!

Since I’ve stopped looking at the (contrary) evidence, I’ve been feeling a lot younger, healthier, slimmer, and handsomer! I prefer it that way. Besides, if God had wanted us to be looking in mirrors, he’d have put eyes in the front of our heads and given people the smarts enough to invent mirrors to hang on walls in the places we live, and... oh... wait...

Ahhhhhh... frickkkkking God!

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