Friday, April 27, 2007

Bad Days and Bad Ways

I’m not a big fan of Winter. Maybe the idea was good back when someone thought it up, “This will get people to appreciate Summer!” But, I don’t need it; I already and always appreciate Summer. Winter, to me, is a long five months (November through March). And don’t give me any of that solstice-equinox crap. Winter is when it’s COLD. I’m only allowed 365 days a year, and Winter takes about 150 days of them! So, that leaves me with a mere 215 (at best).

Why am I complaining when Spring is already here? Why complain when I can hear Summer upstairs dressing for breakfast? Because despite my love of Summer, I’m an idiot like the rest of you.

Winter days are strings of “bad days” in my book. Sure, not everything is bad every day, but overall, more bad than good. So, now that my so-called “good days” are coming, I will still be paying a “good day tax” which whittles into my remaining 215 days. The “good day tax” is paid on a random cycle. It is paid with bad days. Bad days can be bold, or worse, they can be sneaky.

Sneaky bad days are really betrayals because I usually cause the misery. They are sneaky because, like straws on the proverbial camel’s back, no single ingredient is enough to justify calling it a bad day. It happens out of accumulated irritating experiences. So you never know you’re having one until it’s too late. Below are just some of the ingredients to my sneaky bad days:

  • A hangnail.
  • Spontaneous public coughing spasms caused by breathing in my spit when I should have been swallowing it. Usually people make it worse by offering me something to drink when this happens.
  • Driving past the exit I wanted and having to drive another 5 miles just to get to an exit that will let me drive 5 miles back to the one I missed.
  • Losing my page because my finger slips or I drop the book.
  • Just finishing getting dressed when I’m nearly late for something only to have the last button on my shirt just pop off.
  • Blowing my nose but never being able to get the passages completely clear.
  • When tipping a glass to drink the last bit and the ice at the bottom suddenly collapses (avalanches) down onto my entire face.
  • Getting halfway through cooking a meal before finding out that an important ingredient (like chicken) I though was in the fridge, isn’t.
  • Throwing trash at the waste basket only to have it catch an outside edge, or worse, bounce OUT.
  • When the last tasty bite of a great meal or dessert falls off the fork and onto the floor.
  • Forgetting to completely rinse off and finding that soapy patch when drying.
  • Forgetting to completely dry off and getting that cold wet patch of shirt clinging to my back once I’m dressed.
  • Pulling a hair out (from ANY-damn-where) by accident; caught in watch or eyeglasses.
  • Being really tired but can’t sleep once in bed.
  • Bending a fingernail back on itself.
  • When my hand spasms for no apparent reason while drinking and I splash my own face (and/or shirt).
  • Getting an eyelash floating around on my eyeball while I’m driving.
  • Using scissors on some project, but halfway through I can’t find them any more because I somehow just hid them on myself.
  • Feeling that I have an itch on my shoulder or back or arm... but not being able to find it.
  • When the soap falls on the tub and it’s so thin that it won’t let me pick it up without squishing my fingernails into its sides.
  • Sometimes, reaching to adjust my glasses, I accidentally poke myself in the nose (or eye).
  • When I put something away before I’m done using it.
  • Missing the light switch more than two times when I’m walking by and I have to actually walk back to the wall to turn it on/off.
  • Get distracted when I walk into a room and forget the real reason I originally went in there. Then I have to come back again when I remember that I forgot.
  • Parking on a slight hill so that the door slams into my back or my leg when I’m not looking.
  • Reach up to my face to adjust my glasses only I’m not wearing them.
I think you get the idea.